Yeah, that sounds very familiar. A deadbeat dad that was overly controlling when he was present. A mom that was trying to juggle her career, housework and two kids. This meant lots of time spent alone. Can't learn now to depend on people when there is nobody around. Bullying at school does not help, either. Hyper independence is a predictable outcome.
It's very familiar. My father was abusive towards me and so I tried to disturb him as little as possible. He was extremely supportive of my younger brother, however, and we both turned out very differently. He turns to my parents constantly for help (and receives it) and the few times I have I've only been brushed off, and so I've always done everything myself, even if it meant spending long periods living in poverty with no footholds upward.
Years later I'm nearly 50 and have transitioned to female. My now divorced mother decided she likes having a daughter and so suddenly all of this support has materialised and with presumably less time to live the life I missed out on I'm making a conscious choice to start being a little dependent on it and shortcut some things that would have taken longer otherwise.
It's hard to describe but it feels like I'm living a more normal, less marginalised life now. I definitely have more friends, where previously I chose to avoid having any because I felt like having friends meant sharing burdens that were mine alone to carry.
I also see a lot of very similar behaviour in the wider trans community where most people's axis of behaviour revolves around some facet of not having support. We don't all handle it in a healthy way, but I now do my best to help my community find stability and adjust their expectations to having better outcomes.
It’s a blessing in some ways, I’m much more capable at doing difficult things without much help. But it’s also debilitating in significant ways, I constantly feel like I need to do incredible things to get love
Weird. Half a dozen comments calling this LLM generated. Doesn’t strike me as that. Maybe English as a second language or someone trying to dumb down their language. Maybe I’m out of touch.
The thing that bothers me is repeated references to “psychologists say” but no reference to peer reviewed science, just other articles on the same site.
The butchered title makes close to zero sense. The original title "Psychology says people who don’t maintain many close friends often learned independence too early" does.
It was to fit into HN's title limits. I tried my best to cut down and rephrase the title to fit the requirement, while keeping the original meaning as much as possible.
Whole-heartedly dislike the article. Again a form of being atypical neurologically is framed as a pathology. "You are insufficiently clingy to be a good human, and the reason is your childhood trauma".
It fits one of my relatives who is so odious that no one can stand hen but is impervious to learning hen's own faults and can't keep a job so depends on others to put a roof overhead
FWiW there are (several) AI "vetting" bots out there, eg: https://tropes.fyi/vetter .. not my thing, I bookmarked that one from an earlier HN thread, that particular tool graded the article hard over and firmly in "AI Slop" (their term) territory.
"too" seems pointlessly judgmental. My early independence (a result of being the second child of parents without a lot of love to give) contributed to who I am, and I don't think I'm an inferior specimen.
Psychology has a well understood metric for people who keep many shallow friendships vs those who keep a small number of deep friendships. Any article that fails to account for that doesn’t progress our thinking.
Yeah, that sounds very familiar. A deadbeat dad that was overly controlling when he was present. A mom that was trying to juggle her career, housework and two kids. This meant lots of time spent alone. Can't learn now to depend on people when there is nobody around. Bullying at school does not help, either. Hyper independence is a predictable outcome.
It's very familiar. My father was abusive towards me and so I tried to disturb him as little as possible. He was extremely supportive of my younger brother, however, and we both turned out very differently. He turns to my parents constantly for help (and receives it) and the few times I have I've only been brushed off, and so I've always done everything myself, even if it meant spending long periods living in poverty with no footholds upward.
Years later I'm nearly 50 and have transitioned to female. My now divorced mother decided she likes having a daughter and so suddenly all of this support has materialised and with presumably less time to live the life I missed out on I'm making a conscious choice to start being a little dependent on it and shortcut some things that would have taken longer otherwise.
It's hard to describe but it feels like I'm living a more normal, less marginalised life now. I definitely have more friends, where previously I chose to avoid having any because I felt like having friends meant sharing burdens that were mine alone to carry.
I also see a lot of very similar behaviour in the wider trans community where most people's axis of behaviour revolves around some facet of not having support. We don't all handle it in a healthy way, but I now do my best to help my community find stability and adjust their expectations to having better outcomes.
You have carried a heavy burden. It is good to hear that you are finding a community around you at last.
It’s a blessing in some ways, I’m much more capable at doing difficult things without much help. But it’s also debilitating in significant ways, I constantly feel like I need to do incredible things to get love
You deserve love and kindness unconditionally. You are good enough just the way you are.
What would you tell a friend who was in your circumstances?
Weird. Half a dozen comments calling this LLM generated. Doesn’t strike me as that. Maybe English as a second language or someone trying to dumb down their language. Maybe I’m out of touch.
The thing that bothers me is repeated references to “psychologists say” but no reference to peer reviewed science, just other articles on the same site.
The butchered title makes close to zero sense. The original title "Psychology says people who don’t maintain many close friends often learned independence too early" does.
It was to fit into HN's title limits. I tried my best to cut down and rephrase the title to fit the requirement, while keeping the original meaning as much as possible.
Whole-heartedly dislike the article. Again a form of being atypical neurologically is framed as a pathology. "You are insufficiently clingy to be a good human, and the reason is your childhood trauma".
It seems to me that there are nevertheless many people for whom the article's assessment is a true one.
A common definition of independent is "not depending on another for livelihood or subsistence."
No human should ever be "independent".
We are social animals first and foremost. We depend on each other by definition.
Does psychology say that, or does the floating point matrix that wrote this article?
There are many reasons that might cause not having many close friends and independence is just one factor.
What about people who don't maintain many close friends and still haven't learned independence?
I almost spit chocolate milk out my nose. Not sure why I find this so funny.
It fits one of my relatives who is so odious that no one can stand hen but is impervious to learning hen's own faults and can't keep a job so depends on others to put a roof overhead
That LLM-style tone is exhausting.
the learned independence has gone too far
Just sounds like an actual grownup to me.
Please, HN mods, no more ChatGPT articles...
I'd ask any LLM myself if I cared to read their empty words.
As I said in another thread here, I did not feel the article was LLM-generated, otherwise I wouldn't have posted it.
Perhaps I've been desensitized, or the LLM have crossed my BS-sensing threshold, but haven't yet crossed others' threshold.
FWiW there are (several) AI "vetting" bots out there, eg: https://tropes.fyi/vetter .. not my thing, I bookmarked that one from an earlier HN thread, that particular tool graded the article hard over and firmly in "AI Slop" (their term) territory.
https://tropes.fyi/vetter/4a753e67
Those don’t work. Test it by generating some ai slop (get a 100% fake score) and remove the top five tells. And it’ll get a 100% human score.
Repeat with your own writing. Insert a few mdashes and a few of their favorite turns of phrase. To go from 100% human rating to 100% ai.
"too" seems pointlessly judgmental. My early independence (a result of being the second child of parents without a lot of love to give) contributed to who I am, and I don't think I'm an inferior specimen.
Psychology has a well understood metric for people who keep many shallow friendships vs those who keep a small number of deep friendships. Any article that fails to account for that doesn’t progress our thinking.
I feel pain reading these haphazardly strung together words. Literally hate this article even if the insight is worthwhile.
I did not feel the article was LLM-generated, otherwise I wouldn't have posted it.
Perhaps I've been desensitized, or the LLM have crossed my BS-sensing threshold, but haven't yet crossed your threshold.
> I feel pain reading these haphazardly strung together words.
I never though I'd read verbal diarrhea worse than the ones of french intellectuals but I gotta say LLMs are close to surpassing even these.
Just another AI slop article on HN. Hope is gets flagged fast. I mean the author could at least try to make it a bit less LLMish.